speaking of happiness, many people have different perspective. some want to be rich, some want to be famous, all i want is to be some with i love and lead a simple life. oh gosh and i really missed you so much. i want to apologise for my previous entry for being so rude. i really couldnt think straight when i get too emotional and angsty. that applies to when i am driving too, 180 at the top speed and around 120-140 at PIE? my sis is so going to kill me when she see this entry but it doesnt matters. suddenly i just want to meet up with you and have a chat, to find out how are you doing but i dun think that is possible. firstly, you might be pissed with the entry and i think your friend would be too. secondly, you will be busy with lots of stuffs cause u finally have the freedom you longed for. lastly, i dun think i can control my emotions. you are the one completes my life and best thing that ever happen to me.
it doesnt matters anymore who you choice and what the reasons are. you make the choice based on what is the best for you. if you think you are happier with this way then go for it because all i just want is you to be happy. when we are together, i would do whatever i can just to see you smile. your smile is worth everything i work and fight so hard for. even now we are not together anymore, you should even smile more because by right you should be even happier. you really are utterly gorgeous when you smile. please be happy will u? i really want you to be happy.
yesterday meet up with my buddy, kelvin again! been seeing him every weekend for 2 months straight! shop abit and catch green lantern. the actress is superb hot and she got the sexy mole ( quoted fro kelvin). we went butter next and guess what? i went to club with my sis again for the third time (Y) UPS OR WAD? i have got a superb ups sis!
walked past merlion park. memories. our first night outing after your brother's band concert. last year birthday when we cried together. love and hate that place so much. starting to miss you so badly again.
we got the VIP stamp all thanks to hayden and chill around with him for awhile before heading back to my sis n kelvin. tired max. i think i should lay off powerhouse for awhile, it is getting bored! butter will be the next better choice!
i still miss you dearly and badly. i love you dearest xzt.
this is the last visit to your house cause i had to bring your stuffs over. i chosen this timing cause i thought u were outside and till now i am still not ready to see you. unexpectly when i just finish parking my car, his car with you inside just park directly in front of mine. everything is just so dramatic and i thought it will only happen in Taiwanese idol dramas. Fate or wad? but at least now i know that is all over and being with you is a STRAIGHT NO thing.
Fate brought us together after 4 yrs of separation due to the different choice of sec sch. we were together for 1 yr plus and we broke up. once i saw you at marina sq with ur so-called bf at that time. Fate has dropped the hint that i failed to picked up. we patched after a yr and we broke up again. during the 6 mths when we broke up, Fate has dropped another bigger hint but i again failed to pick up. we patch again and stick for another year before we finally ended like this.
i used to thought that we will be have a happy ending but well it went entirely the opposite when i expected 2 yrs ago when we patched for the first time. today Fate has let me see the truth, that you are not the one OBVIOUSLY.
many people asked me not to pack your stuffs for you because you dun deserve that kind of treatment but i refused to believe them. no matter wad i still will pack the stuffs and send to your house personally. even though the truth hurts so badly but at least i learn something.
i fucking swear that YOU are my first setback of my life. Fate has given me such a good life and till recently i then realised. since young i got everything and what i wanted. basically i am a fucking spoilt prince in the family. the friends that i have is awesomely great - my old pri sch friend; angelia tan, alicia, sec sch wushu brothers, AHHHs family in poly, L.O.Jz in SPTKD, RWS colleagues, my army friends. they are just one hell of an awesome bunch of people cause they can tolerate my nonsensical and weird temper. They are always there for me. Some initiate to call me immediately when i was super down. Some will ask me out for one hell of drinking. Most importantly when i need them, they will be there.
for the past 4 years, the ONLY thing that can affect my mood is only YOU YOU and still YOU. when i fucking screwed up my O lvl, i was sad and disappointed but i get over it quite soon when i enter poly. when i fucking kept on losing in TKD tournaments, i nearly gave up but it wasnt really that sad. when my GPA is so fucked up that i cant get into local uni, i just laugh it off. the only thing that can me cry like some wussy, becoming an emo fuck and got into a depression is you.
i always haven been holding on to those naive promises you said but i never once believed them, cause i know it isnt easy. but i really fallen so madly & deeply in love with you. you used to scold me why couldnt have just a little faith. now i fucking tell you why, take a mirror and take a look at yourself. how much have you changed? you should know yourself better than me. environment really plays a very big part and this is why 10yrs romance with a happy ending is not fucking easy shit.
you messed up my head and broken my heart, looks like this is the karma i get and i have repaid the debt i owed you. i should say a very big thank you to Fate instead, for letting me see through you and kill any single hope left in me.
i always believe anybody can make a choice. there is no such thing that i am left with no choice. i make the choice to believe you and now i am the big silly fool. you always said that you had no choice is because you did not want to make that choice. you tell me you were stressed up between your mum and me. but when i see you today, i know that is entirely bullshit. you fucking lied to me that you love me, you missed me. fuck it, you are just too used to being with me. another thing about you, you just love being the good person and you mind your face and reputation just too much.
but is alright, i am totally cool with it. we are at different phase of life, is the only right that you choose someone who is better than me. not many people will want a wallet from a The Wallet Shop when you can have one from LV or gucci?
i pronounced my heart is dead. Love is still a myth.
you really cut my heart open and tore into pieces.
4 wk had passed! going back to PLC to become 3rd SGT liao lor! call me sgt ng! wahahaha! looking forward to meet my SCS mates. navy is a absolute awesome experience for me. we r the SCT = See Cannot Touch, compared to MP, Shag Cannot Think. Dun need do sai kang one, man do! Final dinner got buffet somemore! since when SAF got buffet de? but we have =D plates of curry chicken wings plus free refill of syrup drinks at our table :) i am so going to miss my SCT life in navy. however after our POP we have to go back changi for On Job Training (OJT), time to be tekan like some dogs :( seems tat the sgts there seems to be in love wif me and they wan to pull me back to be an instructor. pro - 5 days able to book out on weekends. cons - extras are like free only! and fucking far frm my house! if posted to platoon and HOPEFULLY to tuas. pro - slack like some fuck. con - 8 days 7 nights spent in camp. if i am an instructor, good luck to those man :) -EVIL LAUGH-
anyway i am back to single AGAIN and yeap looks like once and for all thing. 3.5ys tgt, we broke and patch 3 times. looks like fate like to play ard with us and this time i guess is really over. i love u, i always do. maybe i am jus not good at expressing myself? yes i am not matured and i grew up in a totally well protected environment. i am a spoilt brat prince. maybe is jus tat our family background is totally opp of each other. sigh. i love u i love u i love u and i am going to lose u once and for all. many pple find tat the reason u gave is utter bullshit but i chose to believe. i always believed whatever u said. is one against the world AGAIN. after some thinking through, no matter wad the reason is, it doesnt matter anymore cox is really over. our r/s had ended with a fullstop.
i love u mum & sis. pls dun wry abt me. i am alright.
sis, i will be strong.
mum, i am growing up, dun wry abt me! since young u have protected me too well and now is time for me to suffer some falls and learn to get back on my feet.
is it a crime to be in a fortunate and blissful environment? is okay i take my own sweet time to get more mature and more stronger!
and fuck! today is my first traffic 'accident'. i didnt step on my brake when i put my car to neutral and my car bumped into a police car infront. I WAS FUCKING SCARED N NERVOUS cox i didnt put my P plate! luckily nth happen! -cold sweat-
anyway i hope my laopa aka shifu will get over soon yeap. like father like son. both our r/s ended but ur son who is me is working hard to get over! so u shld too!!!
u dun believe i would settle down right? ha is okay. i shall get on wif my life whereby i missed out so much. i will be going back to my poly life when is all happening n chaotic. drink drank drunk party all night!
esp thanks to my bmt buddy (kelvin), navy bunk mates and esp my boss (hayden) who are there for me. thanks for the support and encouragement. esp my boss who is an insomnia cb, all thanks to ur insomnia i get to chat to ya all night when everyone is slping.
time to get back to reality, pack up emotions and get ready to move on.
is hard to let go but i will.
u left my heart bleeding
