Sunday, September 19, 2010
final attempt /1:05 AM
dunno where r u, dunno who u with but i only know u r drinking which is bad. jus dun wan anything happened to u. the way i use to protect u maybe a little extreme, but at least i ensure nothing happens to u. even though u maybe unhappy or angry at me, i dun mind cause at least i make sure nth bad happens to u. now, i dun have the ability anymore. it really hurts to see anything happen to u. the pain and the guilt is really unbearable.
really appreciate pple who r wry n concerned abt me but pls stop telling me to give up. i know my limits and i know wad am i doing. i know chances are very slim but i aint giving up yet, not yet.
define ur own happiness. i juz wan u to be happy, do wad u think tat will makes u happy. but ur way of being happy is to please everyone ard u. if really think u r genuine happy, cont then. my definition of happiness is simple, it is u.
i hate to see u suffer cox i cant do anything to make u smile.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
people /2:52 AM
and oops i did it again! i koped frm my sis blog =X
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered - forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of being selfish and having ulterior motives - be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies - succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may on cheat you - be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone can destroy them overnight - build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, there may be jealousy - be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow - do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough - give the world the best you’ve got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God - it was never meant to be between you and them anyway.
Never stray from hope, never stray from faith, never stray from being better and never stray from your aspirations in life.
there r so many kinds of pple in ur life. some r juz passer-bys, some r real friends who stood beside u all this time and last of all the pple who loved u. choices had to make btw them or for the stuffs tat happens everyday. there is no such thing as a 100% perfect solution for all n hence compromises come into place. u really had to make a choice as u cant always please both parties. even god cant please everyone in this world, wad makes u think u can? think carefully and consider ur choices carefully. dun be so affected by wad other pple say or wad other pple think of u. cox ultimately not everyone understands u like ur friends or ur loved one do.
wad for care abt the others who r juz only passer-bys in ur life? wad for care for their opinion when they are juz judging frm the appearance? dun live ur life for the others, live ur life for urself my dear. like i always used to say n i think u have either forgotten or it doesnt register in ur brain. choice is always urs, u r the one tat makes it.
it hurts to see u in this state, it hurts even more cox i indirectly cause it.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
pissed off /10:59 PM
it has been quite a while since i ever felt this emotion - anger. for the past three mths, i either had been fking emo sad shit or some stoner.
i not angry abt u giving false hope nor being fickle minded. jus tat u still sees me as some normal guy out there. a player, playboy, jerk, bastard or wadever, i am pissed abt tat. yes no doubt i dumped and hurt u so does tat qualifies me to be the normal guy out there?
can u pls tell me any one guy out there who actually dumped his gf n cry like a fking loser? (cried in front of his mum, sis n friends or alone outside) not only cried but emo-ed for whole period of time. cant eat, slp n had to drink himself to slp EVERY SINGLE NIGHT? if u do pls intro to me, i think i need a good buddy.
i am pissed becox this few mths wad i did seem nth to u at all. sincerity is wad u always looked at, but u dun see any? i WILLINGLY changed so much becox of u, to be a better guy/bf/son, for ur sake my sake our sake.
so right now i am juz any guy out there who sees any pretty gal and try means n ways to hook up with them? juz like in the club where guys grindings gals or flirt ard wif gals even being attached, or even worse, go overseas and have FLINGS. is tat wad u really see in me? i can only see pls stereotype every single guys out there. there will always be tat 1% who doesnt do tat. even u r joking abt my thai trip, muz u say i will have flings? 1) tat is a very big insult to my character 2) i tot u trusted me alot, so it is all empty talk? 3) i nvr ever betrayed u tat includes grinding gal in a club 4) u nvr believed i loved u so much and only wanted u 5) i am disappointed in u to say tat kind of things.
wad is fair? nth is fair in the world. if u wan victory, u gonna fight for it. love is selfish and human nature is selfish too. tat is why i am fighting so hard for u. reputation reputation reputation, u said a gal reputation is everything but a guy reputation is nth. so wad if a guy is labeled as a flirt or a playboy, it is normal. hello wtf is tat suppose to mean? why doesnt a guy needs his reputation? everyone says my first impression give them a playboy, clubber look, oh well i always will give them a wtf look but i juz heck them becox they dunno me. pple who knows me wont say i am a fking playboy or a clubber. i mind ALOT abt wad pple says abt me, who doesnt? i may appear i dun give a shit but i do. ESP to those pple who r close to me n knows me well. i wont be bothered abt those passer-bys cox they r juz some passer-bys in our lives. wad they says only reflects what they THINK of you, it is juz a opinion not a fact. pple says things abt how they think of u based on the APPEARANCE of the subject but they doesnt know the ACTUAL FACTS, so why bother abt them?
after winning my 5th gold, i dun feel happy at all. LIKE SERIOUSLY. others cry out loud, lie on the arena, run ard the arena, hug their coaches but i juz walk out NORMALLY. partly is becox i underperformed n didnt reach my own expectation. but obviously it is u. i was thinking abt my choice 3 yrs ago when i chose tkd over u, did i make the right choice? last time i used to think it is, but now i will say it is not. if to choose again, i will choose both n juggle both. so wad if i won so many golds when u arent there for me anymore? i made a bad choice, so r u gg to follow my footsteps? i regret. seriously.
to be with u, i sacrificed alot of things willingly. but as for u, u seemed so unwillingly. becox i loved u and i dun mind giving up here n there. i juz wan to be with u. u really think i am not a playful guy? dun wan stay out late nights? dun wan party? dun wan hang out wif friends? i choose not to and i dun mind AT ALL becox i juz wan to be wif you. when tgt wif u, u r my forever number one. am i to u?
tml when u met her i dun expect much. or shld i say 0% tat she agrees to u coming back to me. as ur best friend, she doesnt wan clear up my mess for the THIRD time. she doesnt wan to see u get caught in btw of us again. she doesnt wan to see u crying or to be sad anymore. she wans u to have the best treatment n happiness. i admit i did a super horrible job and i dun take any effort to get to know her as well. is my bad.
i used to think love is jus a 2 person stuffs. but i was totally wrong. till now i realised. i realised lots and lots of things during this period. it is too late like u said. yes i know. tat is why i changed and put in so much effort, i only hope my sincerity will simply touched ur heart again.
love is so simple but yet simple things r so difficult to be achieved. love is still a myth afterall.
i am pissed but my heart is drowned with tears n disappointment
Monday, September 13, 2010
5th gold /12:41 AM
alright end of nationals and i did as promised - to bring back another gold medal. this is my 5th gold in a row and sadly to say my last brown belt competition :( shall advance to black already since so many pple r pressurizing me! ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! on my way~ black belt competition certainly will be a total new challenge for me. gonna pump 202% more effort for trainings.
big thank you for those who came down n support me. YOU, jo, my parents, L.O.Jz. most imptly my shifu. thanx for everything. i will move on to black belt de, no wry! LOOKS LIKE I WILL NEED A BLACK BELT SOON HUH?! hmmmms...
but well some sad thing to say, i underperformed :( BY ALOT. some piece of crap performance out there :( merely scoring 4points for my first match and 6points for my second match. totally disappointed wif my performance. sigh. anyway grats on SP winning overall male champ for the 2nd time! way to go! SP SA!
after tat dinner at some wulu place after tat we went to yishun dam to chu chu feng, nxt stop is some mac at yishun for a mini supper
. did some random thoughts during this period of time. i really sacrificed alot and i seriously meant alot for tkd. all these medals, are they really worth it? i dunno y but this last medal i dun seem happy at all. jus not the same feeling anymore for this past 2 yrs. all i know right now is i won so many medals but they couldnt satisfy me. becox i only wan to win u back.
i dunno how to convince u tat i not the same anymore and i dun expect our r/s to be the same anymore. if rather u would give up both guys, i would rather leave u n let u be with him. at least i know u r in a hand of a decent guy. love is selfish and of cox i really wan u back. pple change and u have changed i guess? before u enter uni i told u lots of stuffs and u promised u wont be like tat, but in the end? i was right. if u really think fun is more impt than being madly in love or shld i say enjoying the one and only uni life is more impt, i will go.
Friday, September 10, 2010
周杰伦-说了再见 /1:50 AM
天凉了雨下了你走了
清楚了我爱的遗失了
落叶飘在湖面上睡着了
想要放放不掉泪在飘
你看看你看看不到
我假装过去不重要
却发现自己办不到
说了再见才发现再也见不到
我不能就这样失去你的微笑
口红待在桌角而你我找不到
若角色对调你说好不好
能不能就这样忍着痛泪不掉
说好陪我到老永恒往哪里找
再次拥抱一分一秒都好
你的笑你的好脑海里一直在绕
我的手忘不了你手的温度
心碎了一地捡不回从前的心跳
身陷过去我无力逃跑
说再见才发现再也见不到
how am i suppose to let go when i know u wont be happy wif him?
Thursday, September 9, 2010
雨下一整晚 /12:39 AM
雨下一整晚 - 周杰伦
街灯下的橱窗
有一种落寞的温暖
图贴在玻璃上
画著你的模样
开著车漫无目的地转弯
不知要去哪个地方
凉却的电视墙
到底有谁在看
白杨木影子被拉长
像我对你的思念道不完
原来我从未习惯
你已不在我身旁
街道的铁门被拉上
只剩转角霓虹灯还在闪
这城市的小巷
雨下一整晚
你撑把小纸伞
她音韵太婉转唉~
雨落下雾茫茫
问天涯在何方喔喔~
啊~午夜里你深藏
偷偷偷透过窗
烛台前我妈还在想
小扇板画呀画
小纸伞遮雨也遮月光
missing u.
still waiting.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
你不知道的事 /10:39 PM
你不知道的事 - 王力宏
蝴蝶眨几次眼睛
才学会飞行
夜空洒满了星星
能几颗会落地
我飞行
等你坠落之际
很靠近
还听见呼吸
对不起
我却没捉紧你
你不知道我为什么离开你
我坚持不能说放任你哭泣
你的泪滴
像倾盆大雨
坠入满地
在心里清醒
你不知道我为什么狠下心
盘旋在你看不见的高空里
我的事
你不知道的事
u dun know how much i haf missed u
u dun know how much i loved u
u dun know how hurt am i.
Monday, September 6, 2010
IT fair /12:36 AM
w00ts okay end of Comex, IT fair. TIRING LIKE SHIT. 7/hr no commission?! WAD SHIT IS TAT! why am i always getting this kind of shit work :( giving out flyer earns more than me sia! fucked up~
working under M1 selling fiber broadband, i wan get one too! then my internet will be like super duper fast! but well condition for this fiber broadband u haf to install a termination point by some company called OpenNet. after tat wait for activation den u can subscribe frm M1. den haf to wait for another company called Nucleus to come n install modem (con pple $ nia). wait another 2 days for activation AND U CAN USE THE FIBER INTERNET! anyway modem is wired so u may need a wireless router if u wan ur house to haf wireless connection. so u can either rent wireless router frm M1 or u can use any third party router. but if u rent frm M1, u can get a digital home fixed line for ur home residential use. $2/mth free incoming n outgoing!
I BEEN FUCKING REPEATING THIS FOR AT LEAST 123456789 TIMES.
anyway i haf to wait till 2012 for this fking shit thing -.-
i love my mum, aunt n friends who visited me! i always gt ai xin food n drinks~ <333 frm these peeps! met up wif patrick n lublub (jos) during my work time =x I DUN GIVE A SHIT! wahahahas!
thurs- blueberry tea frm bodoh
fri- shuanger's sweet & passion fruit tea, lunch & dinner frm mum n aunt.
sat- chocolate milkshake, sushi n dinner frm mum n aunt
sun- starbucks frm buddy kahmun, dinner frm aunt
whenever i see couple walk past, i will think of u. we nvr been to IT show before cox i dun like crowded place to squeese wif pple. we havent tried lots of things before but we wont get the chance anymore perhaps? why do ur actions differ so much frm wad u said? or it is juz me? my colleagues asked why do i look so depressed n stone, wad else can i say my dear? r u thinking thru the stuffs or u juz simply ignoring it?
Friday, September 3, 2010
of loving n letting go /11:53 PM
if ya are not able to hold someone back
then it will be better to let him/her go
and hopefully he/she will regret the decision
and hopefully it wont be too late to rectify the situation
loving someone
is not holding your love ones back
let them go
in hope that one day, he/she will realize it
and in hope that one day, you will realize that he/she is not meant to be with you
let he/her go
probably it's for the better cause
and probably you'll be relief
at least you have tried your very best in it
no regrets, no regrets.
for what it is worth
courage, it's all you need
decision, there's no right and wrong.
(it actually depends on how you look at it
you will find a path for yourself eventually)
belief, is what i believe in
and faith, is one important element in my life now
afterall, i believe that there will always be someone better out there in the world
it's just whether you want it to happen
everyone who is close to me ask me to let go. juz like everyone close to u is asking u to do the same. becox each party wan me or u to be better off n be happy. do u love me riz now? answer this to urself and pls be truthful. tats all i am asking, ask ur heart for once.
I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but I still fight all I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight
High off of love, drunk from my hate
It's like I'm huffin' paint and I love her
The more I suffer, I suffocate
Right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates
Me, she fuckin' hates me and I love it, Wait!
Where you going? I'm leaving you.
No you ain't. Come back. We're running right back
Here we go again, it's so insane
'Cause when it's going good, it's going great
I'm Superman with the wind in his back
She's Lois Lane, but when it's bad, it's awful
I feel so ashamed, I snapped, "Who's that dude?"
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her, I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength
You ever love somebody so much,
you could barely breathe when you with 'em?
You meet, and neither one of you even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling, yeah, them chills, used to get 'em
Now you gettin' fuckin' sick of lookin' at 'em
You swore you'd never hit 'em, never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face spewing venom in your words when you spit 'em
You push, pull each other's hair, scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down, pin 'em, so lost in the moments when you're with 'em
It's the fate that took over, it controls you both
So they say, you're best to go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know you 'cause today,
That was yesterday, yesterday is over, it's a different day
Sound like broken records playing over
But you promised her, next time you'd show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game, but you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it "window pane"
Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is
You're the same as me
When it comes to love you're just as blinded
Baby, please come back, it wasn't you, Baby, it was me.
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?
Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time? There won't be no next time
I apologize, even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games, I just want her back. I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fuckin' leave again,
I'ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
I'm just gonna
lyrics frm love the way u lie.
to my love, i know i hurt u way too much till u r so afraid of me riz now. 2 mths i can change this much even though is a short period of time, i really hope my changes will be my utmost sincerity. i done so much juz so much, everything tat i shld do or everthing i shldnt do, i haf done everything. i crawled and fight my way thru so much. listen to ur heart my love, my sweetheart, my dearest gal.
to let u go?
Thursday, September 2, 2010
bday celebration(s) /12:01 AM
yesterday 31 aug! finally walk into big '2' :( OH MAN! but i still look super duper YOUNG :D meet up wif huan first. oops n so ps to mr eric who travel all de way frm malaysia, i be the host nxt time! cut hair, walk ard n update on each other. went home first then back to meet u. this yr bday celebration? aint too great. life really is so not smooth sailing. FML FML FML.
it was really heart aching frm the beginning to the end of meal. juz hope u like the flowers. walk to merlion park. we tok n we cried. is kind of funny to see a couple crying by the riverside. finally understood ur situation. i dun wan influence u or wad but is ur choice. he is indeed a much better choice n wif ur friends supporting. seems at i am on the losing side. i dun blame ur frens cox they juz wan u to be happy.
i juz wan really say a big sry to u n ur frens. i really dunno wad to do now. i crack my head for the whole day n i could come out wif only one solution. the solution is to walk away frm u.
sry for not being mature n sensible enuff to u. sry for neglecting u when u need me so much. i really shldnt haf let u go. i am a fking stupid moron who wasted 3yrs not realising how impt you are. sry to make u scared of me so much till now u dun even know whether to trust me anot. i am a piece of shit totally. vows & promises i made r useless cox this 2 mths is juz too short compared to rest of our lives. but i believe i can do it becox i am willing n i wan to do it. trust... is so hard. i know.
it might be last night view wif u. last time holding ur eyes. last time wiping ur tears. last time giving u a super tight hug. last time giving u a goodbye kiss. i dunno wad will the outcome be. but it jus killing me.
i owed u too much, jus too much. if tat is the only way to repay u, let u feel better, i do it cox tats wad i owed u.
remember years agosomeone told me i should take caution when it comes to love
my illusion my mistakei was careless i forgot
lyrics from Impossible by Shontelleoh great emoing again. fked up.
anyway meet up wif joanna aka shuang er. ate at skinny pizza n we conclude tat it is not due to our liking. walk ard n we went for dessert @ MOF! =D NICE HOR THE MANGO :) we shld bring laopa come eat the dessert buffet! YUMMY YUMMY SINFUL TTM BUT WE LIKE~ :D
after tat met up wif da jie aka aijia! man man every 6 mths it is a must to meet up. wong kah tai u bloody asshole meet up soon before i enlist along wif aijia. ate high tea at bao jing tian, their food sux, services sux too and waiting is bloody hell long. went shopping again! got a top frm topman cox aijia insisted on buying sth for me -.- thanx man but really dun do tat again! so damn paiseh to keep accepting present frm u! BUT I STILL WAN MY ARMANI BELT =X
today is teachers day! mr ang heng teck aka shifu aka laopa, thank you so much, for everything. frm poly yr 1 to now, u r still putting efforting in training me despite me not reaching ur standard. thank you for not giving up on me when i didnt achieve anything in tournaments. asides frm training, u brought me out play & haf fun LAST BUT NOT LEAST DRINKING N DESTROYING MY LIVER, i still love u! :) thank you for everything. i know this period of time i been not myself. sry to made u worry over me and really sry if i ever missed training becox of personal issue. i know u haf been dead wry abt my performance for this nationals, dun wry k? i do u proud! becox i am not juz aiming for a gold but i am aiming for another 21-0. mr ang, i will do u proud :) no guarantee but i will try KO my opp. TRY la hor.
dunno wad happened to me today but i am all back to emo mood. gosh. someone kill me pls. i really am at lost. fuck my life la. nahbei cb i wan rot to death! ARGH! when i am getting better, i suddenly juz lose it. TOTALLY. i dunno why but when i am at alone at mrt, it jus came out like tat. fuck fuck fuck fuck! curse n swear X 999
cross heart. double cross heart. triple cross heart. i really really really love u.
